


Guilt

by MusketeerPup



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt!Aramis, Hurt!Athos, Hurt!Porthos, Hurt!d'Artagnan, Hurt/Comfort, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:51:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7059244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusketeerPup/pseuds/MusketeerPup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war causes pain and grief in the musketeers. D'artagnan blames him self. What will he do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the midst of war

"D'artagnan run!" Athos bellowed as he fell to his knees becoming overwhelmed by the spanish soldiers. I stumbled up from my place on the ground, whipping my head round looking for my other two brothers.  
"Aramis?! Porthos!?" A shot sounded behind me and suddenly a large weight landed on me, pushing me onto the hard, muddy ground of the road.  
A grunt sounded above me. "Porthos? Are you hurt? Where's Aramis?!" Porthos grunted again. I rolled out from beneath him, only then seeing the multitude if wounds. A bullet was lodged into his upper back ans another in his left thigh. I went to inspect a suspected stab wound in his upper arm when he moaned.  
"D'art...you must go..." I gaped at him, shocked that he wanted me to run, to leave my brothers behind.  
"But what of Athos? Aramis? You?! I refuse to leave you all here to perish!" Porthos opened his mouth to speak when another shot went off in the distance ripping a garbled scream from it's poor victim.  
"Aramis?!" I screamed, praying it was some spanish soldier but not having much hope. I despaired. My brothers were dying and it's all my fault...


	2. Aftershock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 month after the war, people are laid to rest. D'artagnan blames himself. Can he be saved from his own thoughts?

The three musketeers stood silently around the grave of their brother. The only sound was the quiet sniffling of the mourning and the cries of the birds circling overhead. 

Aramis quickly turned away from the grave and started walking away, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Aremis knew that once he started crying, he wouldn't stop. Athos straightened before staring at the grave again for a second. He whispered something then turned and followed Aramis. 

D'artagnan was left stood by the grave, alone.  
"I'm so sorry Porthos", he cried. Tears flowed down his face quickly.  
"I couldn't save you and i wish... i wish it was me not you down there. You didn't deserve to die. Athos and Aramis need you, they don't need me. I...I wish i was dead instead of you Porthos". D'artagnan continiued to cry silently as he turned to find his brothers. 

 

******1 week after the funeral******

 

Athos slumped onto the bench at the garrison and started eating the bowl of porridge in front of him. He grunted at Aramis in greeting before continuing to eat.  
Aramis looked up from the table.  
"Where is D'art? Normally he's at the table before us."  
Athos finished his mouthful before replying.  
"Last time i remember seeing him was last night when he walked me home after the tavern. I drank too much i believe. He took me to my rooms before leaving. I presume he went straight to Madame Bonacieux's."  
Aramis nodded to himself. He might of slept in... but what if he got into trouble last night...  
Aramis nodded again but to himself before standing quickly.  
"Come on, we'll go to his lodgings and collect him. Don't want him to miss training today!"  
Athos sighed before standing and following Aramis out of the garrison. 

 

******Bonacieux lodgings******

 

Once they arrived the knocked on the door. Swifly afterwards, it was pulled open by a distressed looking Constance.  
"Thank god your here! I can't get him to stop", she cried while pulling them inside and shutting the door.  
"He won't let go of it and he keeps muttering that it's his fault!"  
Athos looked confused for a second before turning and rushing up the stairs to D'artagnans room. He went to the door to find that it was locked from the inside. He could hear sobbing coming from inside the room. Aramis pushed Athos aside, desperate to get inside and help his brother. All he could hear was sobbing and D'art repeating the words, "It's all my fault" over and over again. 

Athos pushed Aramis aside after hearing this and broke the door down. He burst through the door with Aramis on his heels then stopped dead. This caused Aramis to bang into his back. He went to walk around Athos then stopped and gasped at the sight before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story :) please leave comments and kudos. I'll update when i get inspiration x


	3. Damaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will they find? Will D'artagnan survive his suffering?

\--- Last Time ---  
Athos pushed Aramis aside after hearing this and broke the door down. He burst through the door with Aramis on his heels then stopped dead. This caused Aramis to bang into his back. He went to walk around Athos then stopped and gasped at the sight before him. 

-Damaged-   
Aramis runs into the room, gasping as his gaze fell upon D'artagnan. His body was slumped against the wall, blood pooling around his wrists on the floor. A red stained blade lay beside him. He can hear Athos gasp behind him then drop to his knees by D'art. Athos started crying, whispering D'artagnans name over and over again, begging him to wake up. 

Aramis quickly goes into doctor mode and checks D'artagnans pulse. Its beating slowly and iregular.   
"D'artagan, can you hear me? Open you eyes, pup!" He opens his eyes slightly, looking at Aramis then smiles softly. He turns his head to Athos and his smile dissapears.   
"I'm sorry", he whispers brokenly.   
Athos starts crying again and Aramis gently takes D'arts arms to bandage them, desperate to stop the bleeding and save the life of his brother.   
"I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry", D'artagnan repeats quietly. 

After a few tense minutes, D'artagnan slumps further into the wall, becoming boneless as he looks up and smiles brightly. Aramis also looks up but sees nothing of interest then looks back down at D'art, a comfused frown on his face.   
"Porthos!", D'artagnan gasps, causing Athos and Aramis to freeze. D'arts smile becomes brighter as he continues to look up and seemingly nothing.   
"I'm coming Porthos! I'm coming to see you", D'artagnan gasps while breaking down in sobs, "I'm sorry, i'm so sorry that you died. I wish you were here. Its my fault, all my fault. It should be be, it should've been me..." He says the last bit as a whisper, looking down at his wrists, grief clouding his eyes. 

Aramis looks at D'artagnan, eyes full of pain but also understanding as he remembers the time he was caught up in pain and grief. He remembers the nights of tears and times when it became too much and he tried to kill himself. He remembers all those lost in Savoy. 

As Aramis sits there, stuck in the past, Athos realises that if they don't act now, they will loose another brother and Athos knows that if D'artagnan died, nobody would be able to save him from the grief.


	4. Story update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an update, not an actual chapter. Sorry guys, i know it's been ages.

Happy 2017 everybody! 

I know it has been a while since i last updated and i left it on a cliff hanger (i seem to do that a bit). But... good news is that the gods have finally given me inspiration aha so i will be updating at least once this next week! 

Again sorry for the long wait, looking forward to you seeing the next few chapters!


	5. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the devastation of finding D'artagnan, the musketeers try to fix him.

-Last Time-  
As Aramis sits there, stuck in the past, Athos realizes that if they don't act now, they will loose another brother. Athos knows that if D'art was to die, nobody would be able to save him from the grief. 

******1 day later******  
After many hours of trying to stop the bleeding and getting D'artagnan to stay awake, they got Constance to fetch some other musketeers from the Garrison to help. Now they sit in the Garrison courtyard, waiting for the doctor to come out of the infirmary where D'artagan was. 

Aramis was stood pacing in the courtyard, getting impatient of waiting for news. Athos was sat silently, staring at the table top he was sat at. Eventually Aramis' pacing got too much, too annoying.  
"Sit Down!", Athos said angrily. "It will do us no good pacing across the Garrison courtyard. It will not make time go faster. Save your energy for when the pup needs us."  
Aramis looked ready to fight back when suddenly the infirmary door opened.  
"Finally!", Aramis whispered to himself while Athos was standing up. They both rushed towards the door to get the verdict from the doctor who was stood in the open doorway. As they got to the doctor, they noticed a grave expression on his face. Their hopes dropped.  
"I have good news and bad news".  
They waited anxiously until the doctor took pity on them.  
"The good news is that D'artagnan is alive. But... the bad news is that he is in a coma. I don't know when he will wake...I don't know if he will wake."  
Aramis took a sharp breath and let it out slowly, knowing what that meant. Athos quietly asked whether they could go in and see their brother and the doctor nodded, the grave look still on his face. As the two musketeers walked in, the doctor headed towards the captains office, preparing himself to tell him of D'artagnan's condition.

Slowly they approached the bed which held their friend. He looked so pale, almost blending into the white sheets covering him. His arms were tightly bandaged, hiding the cuts littering the limbs. His arms were laying limply by his side, his face gone slack, loosing all the tension it had since Porthos died.  
Athos pulled a chair up to D'arts left side, Aramis sat on his other side. For a while, nobody spoke and they just sat there silently, wondering how they didn't see how much D'artagnan was hurting, how much grief he was feeling. 

They sat like that for hours, wallowing in guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys :) Sorry this took so long to update! The next chapter will be in D'artagans POV while he is in the coma. Hopefully we will get some insight into what he's feeling. Until next time, bye x

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :) This is my first works so dont be too harsh. Sorry if there are any mistakes, please comment x


End file.
